Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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