she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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