You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
