Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
