Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
