dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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