CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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