so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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