You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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