the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
