Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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