If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
