I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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