Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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