Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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