Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
