I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
