am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
