He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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