I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
