Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
