what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
