my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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