I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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