Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
