Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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