I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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