Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
