At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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