Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i've created a new STD.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
