the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
