things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
