I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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