Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
