Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love you. Go after that dick
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