She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's even glitter on my cock...
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