I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
