I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
