considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize