Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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