he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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