did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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