no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
