you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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