Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize