i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
