I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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