i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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