Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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