DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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