so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to make out with him forever
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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