i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
