Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
