It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
