I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
