I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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