yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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