Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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