Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
