her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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