God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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