I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
