is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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